The part of me that needs to look smart is panicking. The rest of me is trying to breathe.
I just quit a job I held for over five years—and I'm walking into something I don’t feel fully ready for.
I'm changing jobs. After 5.5 years at Johnson Health Tech, my last day will be May 13th. I accepted an offer at PetPlace, a new team building software for pet shelters.
Starting Over (or) A New Chapter
I keep telling myself I’m excited. But if I’m honest? I’m terrified. I’ll get to help build something meaningful from the ground up. But in many ways, I’m starting over.
I've built and shipped production apps, co-founded a startup, and launched multiple SaaS products. But React has never been at the core of those builds. Now I am stepping into a role where it is the foundation. That makes me feel like a beginner again.
The fear I feel, I now know, is coming from my fixed mindset.
I’ve been noticing this fixed mindset show up everywhere lately. It has been surprising to see how deep it runs. Quietly shaping the way I think, the way I react, the way I avoid risk.
The smart kid in me wants people to see me as someone who achieves things effortlessly. If I'm smart, I shouldn't have to try hard, it should come naturally. That belief has kept me playing small for a long time.
After accepting the job and putting in my notice I felt panic. I felt the urge to plan, to figure out what I have to do in the next two weeks to prepare for the first day on the job. Fortunately I spotted the fixed mindset rearing it's ugly head.
I know that I'll be using React, React Router, and most likely Express on the backend. However, there are many unknowns. There is no actual way for me to be fully prepared for my first day. I will have to show up as I am, do my best, and identify my gaps, every day, on the job.
~ Breathe. ~
Fortunately, I can say that I interviewed with complete integrity. I was fully transparent about my skills, my strengths, and weaknesses.
My second interview was pushed back by a week because the engineering director wanted to meet other candidates before moving forward with me, specifically because I lacked recent experience with their specific tech stack.
They still offered me the position.
I am enough.
I have something that they want.
~ Breathe. ~
Integration in Real Life
This weekend I spent three days in Minneapolis. I did not study, I did not work on courses from my hotel room, I did not binge audiobooks during each 4 hour drive.
I had fun. I explored bookstores, I attended Minnebar, I met up with friends and my niece.
This shouldn't be difficult, but it is. This is part of integration. This is applying what I've learned to my daily life.
I'm practicing things that do not come easily to me. I'm doing the work.
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